Bigger Than Chuck
January 10, 2006
If you think that Chuck Norris is the bomb, you obviously have not read Ex Dono Sapientissimi Japus Qui Orbem Terrarum Per Cucurrit. I will share an excerpt here:
“Fr. Jape once sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks, his unparalleled verbal acumen, and his uncanny ability to force theological foes to admit to error before they can see it coming. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, the following conversation ensued:
Fr. Jape: Is it true that a man without a soul is indeed no longer a man?The Devil: You know it is true!
Fr. Jape: Does it then follow that a soul without a man cannot be a soul?
The Devil: I had not considered it, but surely it must be so.
Fr. Jape: And if one should seek to obtain a soul by means of a legal contract and he should whence obtain a manless soul he should have obtained that against which he did not bargain, forsooth, a non-soul?
The Devil: I sense a trickery here, but I cannot gainsay your proposition.
Fr. Jape: And if such a one as this should by legal means obtain that which he did not contract to obtain, is he not in breach of troth and subject to all the penalties therewith?
The Devil: It must be.
Fr. Jape: And is not the principal penalty for breach the return of any ill-gotten gain to the aggrieved party?
The Devil: I cannot deny it.
Fr. Jape: Then I declare before the cosmic judge of soul dealings that you sir, are a soul fraud, having bargained for my soul and having as a result deprived me of that which is not a soul, you stand now condemned to return to me that which is not my soul or forever lose your license for soul dealing unto eternity!
The Devil: E-gads! I should never have broken my cardinal rule: never deal with Jesuit bastards, simply smite them!
Upon which the Devil was forced to return Fr. Jape’s non-soul, upon which time it reverted to soul status. The Devil, appreciating the irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have expected such calumny from a Jesuit. He and Fr. Jape now play poker every second Tuesday of the month.”
Not really in addition to the preceding, but potentially adding to our coffers:
You might be surprised by the number of orphans and aged widows who willingly give their mites to TNP. They say there is such value in what we are doing (and not doing), it is no sacrifice at all. You too may join the throng of happy givers.
This is Bigger Than Chuck in The Japery, a part of The New Pantagruel. Previously: The Gospel of Chuck | Next: Bishops Meet to Renew the Language of the Liturgy | TrackBack (0) | Comments (0)
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