Back in Your Cage, Luther!
April 26, 2006
As you may have noticed, the young turks running TNP have sold out the website to various advertising agencies which have let in all kinds of happy horse-stuff from political candidates and alternative spirituality kits to, now, Martin Luther himself–on the front page no less. Well, at least it makes some money. I did take the opportunity to write to Herr Luther:
Dear Heresiarch Luther:
[Feigned Pleasantries Omitted] … I wonder if in view of the sad state of Protestantism today, including the various schismatic Luther movements, you might be ready to admit your errors. Indeed, in much of the western world, it is only among the “Romanists” that you will find a mass and liturgical music you yourself could recognize and approve. [Not to mention actual and extensive reading from scripture and preaching on the same.]
Are you in purgatory or hell? Either way, I think I could help you get loose–for a fee.
Regards–
+GJ
The dirty bird responded:
Jape:
You dare ply your jesuitical casuistry on me? I will crush you, like I did Eck and that band of papist pinheads who tried to subdue me! You have never forgiven me for liberating Christians from their chains! I would rather there be 10,000 sects calling themselves Lutheran than return to that Roman seraglio, where the Gospel was buried beneath volumes of canon law.
If your masters had ever allowed you to open the Holy Scriptures, you would know that there is only heaven, hell, and parts of the New York State Thruway. Purgatory is a fiction invented by Satan so his priests would have a ready source of cash to keep their catamites in candy and paper hats!
Enjoy your site. Have a nice day.
LUTHER
That is the late Luther for you. His 95 Theses do not reject indulgences in principle, and Wycliffe and Tyndale never disbelieved in Purgatory. Neither did Luther early on. But with him, his own eccentric “development” of doctrine is to be accepted as fully authoritative. I look forward to his vain attempts to “crush” me. It will be a welcome respite from the thin-skinned heretics of today who simply want me to agree we can ‘agree to disagree’ because we really agree on all that is truly important anyway. Gad!
Luther has not yet answered whether he is in Hell or New York.
This is Back in Your Cage, Luther! in The Japery, a part of The New Pantagruel. Previously: NRO Interview with Frohnen on American Conservatism: An Encyclopedia | Next: Continued Crunching | TrackBack (0) | Comments (0)
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